---- LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA ---- Warner Brothers (NYSE:TWC) today revealed the newest installment of the popular "Hangover" franchise, which will star Julian Assange, Anthony Weiner, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Weiner, a former United States Congressman, "has really admired Strauss-Kahn's work for a long time" said Peter Stills, Chief Strategy Officer for the studio. For his part, Strauss-Kahn hopes Assange or Weiner can help him set up a web-cam. The film is considered a s

---- WASHINGTON, D.C. ---- "Yes we can" said the President, unveiling a last ditch effort to salvage the nation's triple A credit rating and avoid running into the debt ceiling next week. In a surprise move, the President will exercise his executive authority to lower the debt floor. "This plan doesn't just let us spend more. It also opens up some space down here at the bottom of the chart for my man cave."

---- WASHINGTON, D.C. ---- President Obama today announced that he will approve the bottom half of the Keystone XL Pipeline from Canada to the United States. Mr. Obama dismissed criticisms that, without the top half of the pipe, "oil will just spill all over the place."