Contagion! Trillions Evaporate as Bets on Market Going Left Collapse
---- NEW YORK, NEW YORK ---- For years brokers earned rich commissions selling warrants and long-term options that will pay off big if markets start trading to the left instead of the right. The securities were marketed as leftside protection to insurers, pension funds, and governments around the world, in case stock prices reverse course. "They said it was stupid not to buy these" explained a spokeswoman for the California State Teachers' Retirement System, which plowed mor
Exxon Mobil to Buy PetSmart Inc.
---- PHOENIX, AZ ---- Tonight the world's largest oil and gas producer Exxon Mobil (NYSE:XOM) caught markets off guard with its announcement that it will buy PetSmart Inc. (NASDAQ:PETM) for approximately six billion dollars in cash. PetSmart supplies products and services for all of pets' life stages. Exxon aims to convert pets' final stage into a viable energy source. According to the Humane Society, one cat or dog is put down in United States animal shelters every eight se
North Koreans laundering money for Iran. Then ironing it.
---- PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA North Koreans laundering money for Iran. Then ironing it. Political dissidents who recently escaped the reclusive dictatorship confirm that Kim Jong-un's little brother, Kim Jong-dos, oversees drycleaning and custom tailoring.