Exxon Mobil to Buy PetSmart Inc.

---- PHOENIX, AZ ----

Tonight the world's largest oil and gas producer Exxon Mobil (NYSE:XOM) caught markets off guard with its announcement that it will buy PetSmart Inc. (NASDAQ:PETM) for approximately six billion dollars in cash.

PetSmart supplies products and services for all of pets' life stages. Exxon aims to convert pets' final stage into a viable energy source.

According to the Humane Society, one cat or dog is put down in United States animal shelters every eight seconds.

A spokesman for the oil giant explained "Thanks to synergies from this acquisition we think we can beat the Humane Society number and carbonize one pet every five seconds. We're putting the pet back in petroleum."

The EPA has not confirmed Exxon's claim that "puppies from Wisconsin burn cleaner than anything they pump out of Nigeria."