U.S. Postal Service Recruits Former UBS Trader Kweko Adoboli as Losses Mount

---- WASHINGTON, D.C. ----

Late Friday the United States Postal Service announced it has recruited former UBS trader Kweko Adoboli.

"We wish we only lost two billion dollars in 2011" explains the Postmaster General. "Kweko can show us how."

The Postal Service delivered a 3.1 billion dollar loss for its third quarter this year. It's all been worth it though, says the Postmaster. In 2011 the Service has reduced its carbon footprint by more than 6% thanks to a new fleet of HydroGen fuel cell delivery vans and new sneakers made from recycled undeliverable mail.