Bank of Japan Devalues Currency, Again

---- TOKYO, JAPAN ----

This weekend Japan's Finance Minister Yoshihiko Noda announced the Bank of Japan's plan to devalue the Yen a second time in one week.

This debasement comes on the heels of Japan's initial intervention to weaken the Yen on Wednesday.

"This move goes farther. The Yen isn't just worth less than the United States Dollar now. It's worthless" Mr. Noda explains.

"Everyone has to trade in their old Yen for the new bills at participating 7 Elevens on Monday."

The United States is expected to fight back in September. By then Congress or the Fed or the President will have found a way to destroy U.S. citizens' savings even faster than the Japanese. "It's all going to be scratch-off lottery tickets" says a source within the United States Federal Reserve. "Not everyone will be a winner."